If there is one word today that holds enormous power, it is the word “coronavirus”. It’s all over the media. It’s in every conversation. It’s on everyone’s mind. The anxiety and panic is so palpable, it can be felt wherever you go.
It started as an innocent illness thousands of miles away and although some of us heard of it, we knew it wouldn’t effect us. Our country is too technologically advanced for a virus of this extreme magnitude and severity. Our medical experts and scientists are above a pandemic.
However, as it slowly began to spread across Europe and then covered the globe, the panic began to surface. The bubble we live in was punctured; just a bit, and although it was only a bit, the sensitive among us were able to feel it.
Over the last week when it hit us with a vengeance, our panic went mad. Our bubble of security was completely destroyed and the extreme panic was visible on everyones’ face. The stores were overloaded with panic stricken shoppers, buying out every last item, thinking that the world is coming to an end.
This couldn’t be happening. Not in America. Not in Israel. Not in today’s generation. We are too advanced in the medicinal world to face an epidemic. A plague is something that went on centuries ago and it wasn’t supposed to happen in these modern day times.
If you are like me, that struggles with anxiety and PTSD due to many years of trauma and abuse, you are probably feeling extreme amounts of anxiety. It might be bringing up old memories of times when you lost loved ones and watched them suffer. Of times when you felt like your world was falling apart. Of the many times when you were an innocent child and your sense of safety was taken away from you. Or perhaps of the times when you were never even awarded the very basic privilege of having a sense of safety at all. If our sense of safety and security was something we had to build on our own, through lots of hard work, the thought of losing it, is terrifying.
The anxiety that we are feeling is on a much higher level than the standard person out there. It’s anxiety from the present situation plus anxiety and triggers from our past. From our traumatic child and teenage years.
Every few minutes a text comes in announcing another speaker who will try to give us support in these trying times. Each of these texts trigger me because I know that many of them will speak about how much we need to improve on so many levels. These speeches hurt because It reignites that powerful inner critic in me that I worked so hard to overcome. That inner critic that was given to me, against my will by my abusers and traumatic people in my life. When I hear an innocent speech, telling us how much we need to improve, I begin to hear all my old voices in my head. The ones that used to knock and berate me all day. I begin to feel the panic and self hatred I’ve felt when I was in those toxic environments.
My brain begins to race with so many thoughts which makes me mad.
“Am I really that bad that God is punishing me?”
“Am I really that bad that the world is coming to an end?”
“Am I not trying hard enough just to get through the day?”
“I use up all my strength to accomplish the basic needs, how can I even do more?”
“What does God want from my poor life?”
“Why is God so mad at me?”
“If I don’t make a complete overhaul on my entire life, God in His wrath will kill me”.
After many hours of sitting with extreme anxiety and so many depressing feelings, a thought crossed my mind which I’d like to share with you.
Up until a week or two ago, we all falsely believed that we were safe and secure. We trusted our leaders. We trusted our technology and our medical advances. We trusted our economy. Although we’ve seen tragedies happen, we never believed that something of this magnitude can happen.
God brought on us a virus. A simple germ that is too small for the human eye to see, yet strong enough to wreak complete havoc throughout the entire world, in every aspect of life.
Perhaps, God wanted to show us who runs the world. Perhaps, He wanted to give us a behind the scenes picture of who is the one who cares and looks after us every day. By taking away our security, we are forced to look upwards.
No, he is not angry at us nor is he punishing us for our “horrible deeds”.
No, we are not terrible people and we do not need to make an overhaul of our lives.
He is showing us that He has the power to do anything and can therefore help us in any situation. In the darkest of situations, He has our back. When things looks so bleak and hopeless, when our depression is so heavy that we are powerless against it, when our constant bombardment of triggers and flashbacks become paralyzing, God is showing us that He is one step behind us. He is showing us that He can turn over an entire world with a little virus. If He can do that, he can most definitely rescue us when things seem to be going so bad for us. When we are so overloaded with pain.
Perhaps, God is showing us that he’s not a dictator who’s punishing us and ending the world because He’s upset at us. He’s not full of anger and wrath. He is rather full of mercy and love. The love that He has for us is stronger than any father can have. Although we don’t know why this tragedy had to happen, one thing I can say, and that is that I see His hand so much closer and more real. I can almost feel His presence in the air and I therefore know that I don’t need to panic.
Before coronavirus, God was hidden. We didn’t see Him. We didn’t feel him in the air the way we are feeling him over the last week.
After coronavirus, we can literally see Him. We see so clearly who is actually behind the scenes. Let’s try to see his love and kindness and let’s see and truly believe that He is indeed walking right beside us and holding our hand, helping us get to our destination.
A story is told about a businessman who took a flight to a business meeting. Sitting beside him was a young girl, alone without any parents. All she had was a coloring book and crayons. While she was coloring, the plane hit a heavy pocket of turbulence and was shaking violently. Everyone was screaming, while this young passenger simply continued coloring as though nothing was happening.
After a few scary moments, the plane stabilized and this businessman couldn’t help but ask this young girl how she remained so calm, without any parents or support? Did she not feel the plane dipping and diving?
She looked up and answered with a cute smile, “the man flying this plane is my Dad. He is an awesome pilot, and I know he will take care of me”.
We are all passengers of God’s plane. Let’s put our trust in our pilot who’s been flying our plain for many thousands of years. Let’s put our trust in our Father in the cockpit. If this young girl did it, we can do it too.